Off the Mark

NOTE

2011-09-12T15:48:00.001-04:00

Dear people,
Sorry for the delay in updating my posts.

I assure you, I completed year two but have not had the time to upload them to the site. I'm catching up.

My goal for starting year 3 is for the end of this month. I have modified this silly blog so that I can update from my phone, which should prevent a future unreasonably long delay in updating posts such as the one you are currently experiencing. yes?>

-Mark

Year Two, Day 360

2011-05-03T14:43:00.000-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I prank called a co-worker from the floor of the archive room. I just breathed heavily then hung up.

Year Two, Day 359

2011-05-02T14:43:00.001-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I consulted this Obi-Wan/Magic 8 Ball thing and asked if we should close the office early today. The response was "It's too risky."

Year Two, Day 358

2011-05-01T12:48:00.002-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I autographed a game used cup of coffee.

Year Two, Day 357

2011-04-30T16:15:00.002-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I set out to reveal the mystery of who exactly is buried in Grant's Tomb.

Year Two, Day 356

2011-04-29T11:43:00.002-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I wore Union Jack socks with my name on them in order to mark the royal wedding.

Year Two, Day 355

2011-04-28T15:47:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I added my own entry to my old AP Stylebook: it's okay to abbreviate MOFO.

Year Two, Day 354? (i think...)

2011-04-27T14:43:00.007-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I realized that this blog was living up to its name of "off the Mark" when I noticed I had miscounted the days of Year Two. I am now going back and renaming each post with the correct day number. This could take a minute...

Year Two, Day 353

2011-04-26T11:45:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I cheered obnoxiously loud at the start of the seventh inning stretch.

Year Two, Day 352

2011-04-25T15:35:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I distributed Garbage Pail Kids cards to the staff here for their hard work.

Year Two, Day 351

2011-04-24T16:16:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I grew a tomato in my apartment.

Year Two, Day 350

2011-04-23T11:42:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I wore one gym sock and one dress sock to display my diversity.

Year Two, Day 349

2011-04-22T11:08:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I started my day by using one of those moist towelettes they give you at BBQ restaurants.

Year Two, Day 348

2011-04-21T11:06:00.005-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I timed my hiccups.

Year Two, Day 347

2011-04-20T17:47:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I played a pretend round of "Resident Evil" in this creepy freight elevator in my office building.

Year Two, Day 346

2011-04-19T15:53:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I hung this fake photo of Bernie and Sheldon Kompit in the office conference room.

Year Two, Day 345

2011-04-18T15:45:00.005-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I participated in bring yourself to work day.

Year Two, Day 344

2011-04-17T15:53:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I thought Kobe was getting a little TOO into the scratching.

Year Two, Day 343

2011-04-16T12:14:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I took a pre-pre-pre-engagement photo.

Year Two, Day 342

2011-04-15T11:41:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I decided to rebel against the tech nerds who tell me not to eat near my computer and threw a pinch of salt in my keyboard.

Year Two, Day 341

2011-04-14T11:44:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I traded fates with a dinner companion.

Year Two, Day 340

2011-04-13T11:43:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I entered my sophomore slump when I burned CD copies of my band's second demo "More of the Same, Vol. 1." Yes, we still kick it old school with CDs.

Here's my band: FOR THE HUTCH.

Year Two, Day 339

2011-04-12T10:55:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I had a complete balanced dinner of broccoli and Girl Scout cookies.

Year Two, Day 338

2011-04-11T10:58:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I started finally wore this old pendant from when me and Mike Verdino won 2nd place in the science fair in 7th grade.

Year Two, Day 337

2011-04-10T10:55:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I shared a stick of chocolate covered bacon. While on the Jersey Shore.

Year Two, Day 336

2011-04-09T10:58:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I ruined someone's month just by commandeering their parking space.

Year Two, Day 335

2011-04-08T10:57:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I watched the rainbow channel as I went to bed in a hotel room in Saratoga Springs, N.Y.

Year Two, Day 334

2011-04-07T10:56:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I received a personalized copy of Jesse Ventura's new book.

Year Two, Day 333

2011-04-06T09:09:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I stopped being an Islanders fan when I realized my Islanders mug is gone.

Year Two, Day 332

2011-04-05T15:11:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I displayed my acrobatic skills by opening this window at work with my foot.

Year Two, Day 331

2011-04-04T11:08:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, my "dealer" smuggled some crazy shit back into the U.S. from Jamaica for me.

Year Two, Day 330

2011-04-03T10:54:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I actually borrowed the DVD of "The Super Mario Bros." movie. (Yes, someone I know owns it...)

Year Two, Day 329

2011-04-02T15:11:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I tried to get in touch with my feminine side.

Year Two, Day 328

2011-04-01T09:14:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I contemplated registering Republican.

Year Two, Day 327

2011-03-31T15:10:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I packed an empty brown bag for lunch and took it to work

Year Two, Day 326

2011-03-30T11:09:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I rendezvoused in the supply closet at work with a bag of ground coffee.

Year Two, Day 325

2011-03-29T10:27:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I held a quarterly meeting with my geraniums in the office conference room.

Year Two, Day 324

2011-03-28T09:49:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I did my part to preserve when I used this napkin five days after I had written a note to self on it to read "The Rum Diary."

Year Two, Day 323

2011-03-27T19:51:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I used Ella's cat brush to comb my hair.

Year Two, Day 322

2011-03-26T19:50:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I prepared to go back to school when I got this Garbage Pail Kids binder.

Year Two, Day 321

2011-03-25T19:51:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I walked around the block while sipping from a porcelain mug. It's an Islanders mug since me and Julie became fans last night.

Year Two, Day 320

2011-03-24T19:48:00.006-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, me and my girlfriend Julia became Islanders fans. This is Julie with my co-worker Greg who took us to our first game.

Year Two, Day 319

2011-03-23T09:56:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I destroyed my tinfoil ball after a full day of collecting. (Sorry, Pee Wee)

Year Two, Day 318

2011-03-22T09:55:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I started a tinfoil ball in order to emulate one of my childhood heroes Pee Wee Herman.

Year Two, Day 317

2011-03-21T19:49:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I took place in an office March Madness bracket pool... for ice hockey.

Year Two, Day 316

2011-03-20T10:08:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I edited the Farmers' Almanac to make it a bit more entertaining.

Year Two, Day 315

2011-03-19T09:48:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I tried an inception project in Julie's cat Ella's mind.

Year Two, Day 314

2011-03-18T08:43:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I started my day with a jambalaya breakfast.

Year Two, Day 313

2011-03-17T08:44:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life I celebrated St. Patrick's Day by pouring a bit of Smirnoff Ice Apple flavor in my coffee.

Year Two, Day 312

2011-03-16T08:44:00.004-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I emulated New Hampshire and wrote "Live Free or Die" on the back of my boot.

Year Two, Day 311

2011-03-15T11:11:00.007-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I watched YouTube videos of Slim Goodbody while listening to Operation Ivy's song "Healthy Body, Sick Mind."

Year Two, Day 310

2011-03-14T10:13:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I custom-made one of those awful "World's Best" mug to commemorate the final 50 days of Year Two.

Year Two, Day 309

2011-03-13T09:59:00.003-04:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I opened an umbrella inside of a car.

Year Two, Day 308

2011-03-12T14:23:00.001-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I figured out the meaning of "Burning Love" when I drank coffee from this Elvis mug. Get it?

Year Two, Day 307

2011-03-11T16:28:00.006-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, rather than let my mom throw out this masterpiece, I posted it in my office. This, by the way, is the one and only painting I've ever done. It's called "Pow" (unfinished like all of DaVinci's paintings).

Year Two, Day 306

2011-03-10T16:48:00.003-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I touched the cleaning lady's can when she wasn't looking.

Year Two, Day 305

2011-03-09T14:24:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I redacted parts of a sensitive document. By sensitive document, I mean my co-worker Charlie's phone book at his desk.

Year Two, Day 304

2011-03-08T15:01:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I celebrated the 304th post of Year Two by going on an all out bender mixing pills with booze. And by "bender" I mean work. And by pills I mean Trident and by booze I mean a cup of coffee. But if it makes you feel better I did down the gum like a pill rather than chew it.

Year Two, Day 303

2011-03-07T16:27:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I taped my boss's mousepad to his desk while he had stepped out of his office.

Year Two, Day 302

2011-03-06T15:26:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I used Nutella to dip french fries in.

Year Two, Day 301

2011-03-05T15:25:00.007-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I tried to get Jules into Iron Maiden when I took her to see an Iron Maiden tribute band.

Year Two, Day 300

2011-03-04T17:46:00.003-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, instead of setting the alarm when closing the office, I typed 867-5309 on the pad.

Year Two, Day 299

2011-03-03T17:16:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I edited the NY Post to make some less sensational headlines.

Year Two, Day 298

2011-03-02T15:25:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I lamented what was this world coming to when I saw the rowdy remains of some out of hand Christmas Party apparently. These darn kids have no respect.

Year Two, Day 297

2011-03-01T15:36:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I protested this draconian cuts to the calendar and demanded the rich elite restore Feb. 29 to the calendar rather than skip over to March 1 as a way to exploit the working man.

Year Two, Day 296

2011-02-28T10:03:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I upped my dog training game and finally taught Kobe "stay."

Year Two, Day 295

2011-02-27T10:01:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I carried around my grandmother's VHS copy of "Madame X" with Lana Turner in my hoodie pocket all day and told no one of it.

Year Two, Day 294

2011-02-26T10:06:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I changed the TV station by using two remote controls in unison.

Year Two, Day 293

2011-02-25T09:53:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I created an anarchy symbol out of coffee stirrers.

Year Two, Day 292

2011-02-24T09:52:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I wore one of my lucky skull-and-crossbones socks, even though I couldn't find the other in the laundry. I paired it with a generic black sock because the show must go on, they say.

Year Two, Day 291

2011-02-23T16:03:00.006-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I made a plea for the prayers of the faithful.

Year Two, Day 290

2011-02-22T09:56:00.006-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I planted a plant in a coffee pot.

Year Two, Day 289

2011-02-21T16:53:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I lamented the trade for Carmelo Anthony instead making a plea to sign Scott Howard of Teen Wolf fame.

Year Two, Day 288

2011-02-20T09:55:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I ended my weekend trip to the Jersey Shore by kicking an Old School mix.

Year Two, Day 287

2011-02-19T10:19:00.003-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I took the Polar Plunge in Sea Isle City, N.J. (while dressed as Where's Waldo).

Year Two, Day 286

2011-02-18T09:59:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I took a nap in Where's Waldo sunglasses in a rented house in Sea Isle City, N.J.

Year Two, Day 285

2011-02-17T10:05:00.002-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I started out my day with a Black Flag - Damaged singalong.

Year Two, Day 284

2011-02-16T10:10:00.003-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I sought reconciliation for my Internet sins and deleted my spam post that I made yesterday.

Year Two, Day 283

2011-02-15T09:59:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I left an anonymous spam comment on my own blog (for yesterday's post).

Year Two, Day 282

2011-02-14T16:04:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I took this Valentine's thing as romantic as I could.

Year Two, Day 281

2011-02-13T09:58:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I said I had a new world view... And meant it.

Year Two, Day 280

2011-02-12T16:37:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I watched the cartoon TV series based on "Little Shop of Horrors" on Youtube. I can't imagine why this show didn't catch on with the kids.

Year Two, Day 279

2011-02-11T16:40:00.006-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I put this empty vase to get some sun on my office windowsill.

Year Two, Day 278

2011-02-10T16:36:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I tried to decipher this hastily scribbled note to self but came up unsuccessful. I think it says "Here's some good stuff 1961. We. Doral." What that means is anyone's guess.

Year Two, Day 277

2011-02-09T16:03:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I ate beef jerky for breakfast.

Year Two, Day 276

2011-02-08T09:58:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I showed I didn't care about my own well being and drove half in an unplowed lane on the interstate. Live fast die young baby!

Year Two, Day 275

2011-02-07T09:57:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I pet Julie's cat Ella affectionately...but I stayed true to my punk rock roots by snarling at the same time.

Year Two, Day 274

2011-02-06T09:56:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I tailgated this guy and then said: "What is this Jeopardy!" to no one in particular. Now I am searching for the question.

Year Two, Day 273

2011-02-05T12:15:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I got a postcard with real substance.

Year Two, Day 272

2011-02-04T12:16:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I wore both of my scarves at the same time.

Year Two, Day 271

2011-02-03T12:16:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I wore sunglasses in bed.

Year Two, Day 270

2011-02-02T12:19:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I hung up this giant canvas print of a cityscape in my apartment. Four years later and I'm almost done decorating.

Year Two, Day 269

2011-02-01T11:12:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I showed I don't even need this hunnid cause I got so much loot. I hung up this money on my wall, whatever I got more money than I know what to do with!

Year Two, Day 268

2011-01-31T12:13:00.003-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I hopped on the publishing trend of sanitizing my copy of "Huckleberry Finn."

Year Two, Day 267

2011-01-30T10:51:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I happily followed the instructions.

Year Two, Day 266

2011-01-29T12:11:00.003-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, i put some Drakkar Noir cologne out in the kitchen, near the dish soap in case anyone wants to use it while doing kitcheny stuff.

Year Two, Day 265

2011-01-28T10:45:00.005-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, me and a co-worker did shots of Amaretto at 9 a.m. in the office.

Year Two, Day 264

2011-01-27T10:44:00.002-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I received 329 emails in a one-day span. A new record me thinks.

Year Two, Day 263

2011-01-26T12:12:00.003-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I found out that not all sports pages are written for the bathroom. Who knew?

Year Two, Day 262

2011-01-25T12:18:00.004-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I was forced into wearing Ed Hardy sunglasses on the drive all the way from home to work.